Relationships, just thoughts...

There are so many days I wish I was in a relationship, I miss being held close, I miss having someone I can share those intimate thoughts with. Walking hand in hand, laying in the spoon position, long hours of gentle yet assuring silence. A simple kiss on my cheek or forehead, just because. A loving glance across the room. I haven't really experienced that too many times in my life time...I'm sad to admit.

I really haven't had many relationships to reassure myself that I make a good partner! I know I am a good friend, a good moral support, a motivator, and I try to inspire others to follow their hearts desire into the parts of themselves that they are too afraid to be, for fear of rejection or critics.

Am I a good partner in a relationship? I haven't had a real relationship for 5+ years. Am I broken? I wonder if I could even stand being with someone ever again, if I would care about myself enough to be happy with someone other than myself. There are so many questions I ask myself when it comes to thoughts of "finding someone"...Am I lovable? I believe I am, I love me...Obviously. But will someone else love me...For me?

I'm a single mom, it's hard work, my son in now 14, taller than me and boys are hard to raise.

It's been a long time, I am torn between, "do I want to be with someone?" or "do I want to end up alone when my son grows old enough to move out on his own?"!

Is that sad? It makes me feel sad, just thinking and writing about it. :-(

Am I breaking my own heart? I have only "been with" two men. I'm 36...
I have always told myself "No settling" for no love and just a partner, so here is what it has me at...
When it comes to that part of my life * love, romance* and actually having any..I am saddened by thoughts of "maybe I am not good enough to be in a relationship", but I miss being loved in such a way. Is that loneliness? Maybe, but I don't know.

I am craving to find someone I have chemistry with...That has only happened once...To be honest. Everything else in live seems easy comparing it to romance.
I don't know what else to write.

Have a good week.
Ann

Saturdays sadness...Sorry being dramatic today.

Hello all,
I'm just going to vent today, sorry I'm seeming like a drama queen here.
I've been hurt in the past, sexually abused as a child(By family members no less), bullied at school as well by family members.
But I forgave, it's not easy to forget. I've put people out of my life, and I have stuck up for myself when I knew no one else would. I have spoke my mind to show I wouldn't back down to their hurt and lies.

But you know, it's not easy "pretending" like it doesn't hurt me. I may throw back words to defend myself, but it doesn't mean I'm not hurt...It's a defense mechanism, that has been strengthened over time.

In time, I only wish for my life to stay getting better and for happiness to find me safe and sound.
Blessings everyone.

AnnJ